Changing the Narrative: From Self-Awareness to Real Growth

I wrote this on a quiet day when I finally faced some hard truths. It’s not perfect. It’s not polished. But it’s honest. And sometimes that’s what healing looks like.This is one of those moments.

I haven’t been writing much lately. I’ll admit it, I fell back into my old habits again, haha. But worry not. Even in silence, I’ve been learning so much about myself. And here’s something I’ve come to understand about my story.

A few months ago, if someone asked me about my life, I would have told them this long, heartbreaking story, a battle with mental health, filled with pain and confusion. And while none of that was a lie, I now see how one-sided that version was. I never really talked about how I contributed to my own struggle. I had all the characters lined up;  my parents, school, life, society.  all playing their parts, and somehow I was just… there. Reacting. Hurt. A victim.

One of my favorite lines used to be, “Being an only child at first, I battled social anxiety.” And then I’d go on about how my parents shaped me, how school intensified it, how life just kept adding weight. I had reasons for everything. Excuses, really. I was so good at explaining the ‘why’ that I never stopped to reflect on my own role; the habits I chose, the patterns I repeated, the choices I made over and over again.

Mental health is such a known conversation now, with labels for everything. So it was easier for me to say, “I have bipolar” and justify the emotional highs and deep depressive lows. But here's the thing… what if I was actually addicted to that cycle? The mania,  the rush of being “on”  and then the crash, where I’d disappear. Stop texting. Ignore calls. Say I wasn’t feeling well and shut down again.

I started to realize: I kept calling myself a victim and by doing that, I created that environment over and over again. Even when nothing tragic was happening, I would make it tragic in my head… then live that version in real life. It’s like the spiritual law that says “believe something internally and it will manifest externally.” Except instead of believing in peace, love, or joy. I kept believing in sadness, abandonment, and pain.

And through all that, I wasn’t taking any accountability. None. Not for my patterns, not for my emotions, not even in relationships. I’d make the same mistakes as someone else, but if they did it? I’d snap. It was always easier to point fingers than to turn inward.

I used to think being self-aware meant I was healing. But the truth is… I was just learning how to describe the same loops I kept falling back into. I knew myself better, sure. But I wasn’t doing anything differently. And knowing without changing? That’s not healing. That’s just storytelling.

So here I am now, deciding to change the narrative. To look at my life, not through the lens of pain and blame, but through truth. Not emotional exaggeration, not spiritual bypassing,  just… truth.

What actually happened? What is the narrative I’ve been holding onto, and what’s the real story underneath it?

That’s what I need to write next.

If you’ve ever felt stuck in a story you kept replaying, I hope this helps you pause and ask:What’s the truth beneath it all and am I brave enough to live it differently?

— Lois ✨